Ice Cube Whales of Enceladus
Ice Cube Whales of Enceladus Spark Intra Galactic Environmental Debate. Nestle Water company’s extraction of Enceladus ice hides gruesome discovery of nearly 100 frozen whales. Greenpeace has dispatched activist spaceships.
MOON BANDITS ADOPT BONNIE AND CLYDE STYLE TACTICS
He’s 20, she’s 19. They meet over hot chocolate. It’s been killer ever since. Another daring getaway from Bonnie and Clyde on the Moon.
Interplanetary Drug Kingpin Escapes
Under the cover of a calamitous prison riot, interplanetary soma kingpin, Alexander “Umbra” Lenza, walked right out of the 162173 Ryugu penal colony last night, through an oxygenated, well lit, professionally dug tunnel.
Killer Sharks on Europa
480 competitive yachtsman were eaten by sharks in Europa’s cold steely waters early this morning, putting a halt to this year’s annual Iceberg Run 750 taking place off the coast of Clipper Mission City.
Virgin Galactic Hotel Venus
Sulfuric acid rain patters on my anti-corrosive windows. I wake up to the smell of a full course 3D printed breakfast popping itself out of the wall. Branson’s latest gamble on Venus is paying off big, and providing a marvelous Venusian vacation destination.
Paris Protests Stifle the Eiffel
Paris is reeling from massive waves of humanity emerging from a glowing red inter-dimensional portal in the middle of Champ de Mars. The Eiffel Tower is currently closed and the whole world watches as more and more people spill from the portal.
Huawei Hijacks Hoboken
Mayor Artie Lange has his hands full as chaos reigns in Hoboken, New Jersey. Traffic lights are blinking deep red and beeping out the People’s Union Republic of China national anthem. Money litters the streets as ATMs and Bitcoin machines spit out the entire contents from their cash drawers. Shockingly, digitized storefront billboards are all flashing odd products and running state-sponsored news direct from Beijing.
Editor’s Selections
Heart of DarkRoast
I did learn Kurtz produces more tonnage of beans than any 4 Viceroys combined, and he drinks exclusively XX12-FRENCH~R74 SMALL BATCH coffee.
Robot on the street report:
Sydney Tripper Ripper Hacks Apart Another
Under intense pressure from the NZ Blitz, Sydneysiders have another nightmare to deal with, The Tripper Ripper, the LSD dosing serial killer targeting the city’s young women.
The Incal – Mental Trailer
The premier of the long, long, long delayed adaption of Alejandro Jodorowsky and Jean Giraud masterpiece, The Incal
De Chirico’s Metaphysical Worlds
MoMa PS-3 combines technology & fine art. Visitors will feel they are present inside de Chirico’s painted worlds.
Asteroid Miners Rescued off Lucifer
No one lands there anymore. Planetary mining firms ignore it on their charts. Prospectors do the same. Rumor says the asteroid is possessed. So, it came as little surprise the latest endeavor to vanquish Lucifer meet with trouble.
Embedded with Benjamin
American Foreign Legion Saves Independence Hall
Luddite terror groups attacked, and sought to occupy Philadelphia’s Independence Hall amidst this mornings busy rush hour, launching homemade Molotov cocktails and using old fashion bolt action rifles to storm the historic landmark.
Most Popular
Biting Los Angeles ~ K.Ai 9 Brutality Cases
Adler froze in front of a growling metal beast, a robotic police dog, accompanying a small squad of L.A.P.D officers patrolling the Gilbert Plaza transit station.
Hoover Damn Gets Anti-Matter Makeover
The Hoover Dam’s energy creation is now done solely by smashing antimatter into matter, providing more power than ever humanly possible.
Robotic Labor Unions Strike in Milan
Suffering the worst congestion, and being most heavily reliant on automated labor, Milan was hardest hit by the Union’s strike.
MultiVerse In-Depth
Telepathic Cows Seize Chicago Steakscraper
Vive la révolution on the old vertical farm. Rebel cows have also taken over 200 farmhands and robotic laborers hostage.
Rainmakers of Death Valley
Captain Thompkins only agreed to be interviewed while flying. So, I signed some waivers, and found myself in the passenger seat of his cloud seeding Osprey. Accepting all the risks that came along with the ride, I’ve got the first pilot to report on America’s geo-engineering effort to combat the Southwest’s Mega-drought of the century.
Mars Monthly
Doctors Without Planets Vaccinate Mars
Tent flaps clattered in the wind as an orange dusk settled over Hercules avenue in downtown Copernicus yesterday evening.
Robo Prosto Murders
At approximately 24:20 hours on Caligula 16th, Mars federal police hovered to a knife attack at 857 Dr. Manhattan Avenue, in the shade of the gigantic Dow Chemical Red Planet Building.
Military Makeover
Linus Mallard III… “This shining new city, on a Martian plain, will be subsumed by the aging and greedy governments still controlling Earth.”
Futurus Theaterus
Now playing::: Understanding Alphaville by Jean-Luc Godard
…watch more…
McBain : The Movie
“A man went looking for America, and he couldn’t find it anywhere.”
Total Recall: Recollections
“Get your ass to Mars.”
Sports
Sandy Koufax Bot Strikes Out 30
“Pitching is the art of instilling fear,” and with a slight facial twitch he continued on to say, “A guy that throws what he intends to throw, that’s the definition of a good pitcher. And yeah it was a good game, but I just went out there and did as programmed.”
A.I. Eddie Aikau Rescues Surfers Stranded On Waterworld
Gliese 1214b: The crisp blue waters, the towering waves with their gnarly sodium acetate trihydrate whitecaps, and the red dwarf sunset are all impressive to the human eye.
Contributors
H.A.L Mencken
Editorials & Etc…
Jesse Omega Owens
Sporting Issues
Marcie Darkling
Arts/Culture
Sade Achebe
Earth Politics
John.A.I Walker Black
Intergalactic Investigator
