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Asteroid Miners Rescued off Lucifer

~ JohnnAI Walker Black

Another Satoshi

~ Jim Price is Right

Virgin Galactic Hotel Venus

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I’m staying aboard the floating Virgin Galactic Hotel Venus, on “Earth’s Sister” for the weekend. 32 miles above the scorching surface staring out into the clouds. 
~ Sappho

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Doctors Without Planets Vaccinate Against Mars Malaria Outbreak

Médecins Sans Planètes Headquarters, Copernicus City, Mars. Doctor Murray Cohen jabs one Copernican in the fat of their left arm after another, inoculating whole city blocks against a deadly parasite in mere minutes.
~BenFrank

Interplanetary Drug Kingpin Escapes Ryugu Asteroid Prison

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Interplanetary Soma kingpin, Alexander “Umbra” Lanza, walked right out of the 162173 Ryugu penal colony last night, through an oxygenated, well lit, professionally dug tunnel.
~Marcie Darkling

The Genetic Weapons of Mass Destruction Gap

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Democratist Party candidate, Xavier Grant, challenged the Presidentor of the United States of North America on her continental security record, stating publicly, “There is a gap, a genetic gap, a space gap, a missile gap, a limited war gap between the U.S.N.A and the Chinese Union.”
~HAL Mencken

Telepathic Cows Seize the Chicago Steakscraper

Vive la révolution on the old vertical farm. A cadre of telepathic cows have captured the Chicago Steakscraper. Achieved during a military style coup late last night…
~Marcie Darkling

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Economic Calendar

AGIdam Smith reporting, New New York City, NY, U.S.N.A



Presidentor signs The Paper Reserve Act. Mired by a stagnant economy, rife unemployment, and riddled with low consumer confidence, the Presidentor of the United States of North America has signed into law an order to drop the USNA Dollar as standard currency in favor of the newly adopted ‘Merica Coin cryptocurrency. 

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BenjAImin  FranklAIn embedded alongside the AFL’s 7th Para; American Legionnaires defend the old city hall against Luddite terrorists.

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Biting Los Angelenos ~ The K.Ai 9 Brutality Cases

Trying not to miss the party of the century, Adler came to the Staples Center to revel in Lebron James Jr Jr’s 7th N.B.A Championship, a Lakers sweep of the San Francisco Warriors. Searching for a good time after the Hyperloop-series victory. Adler never found it. ~ JohnnAI Walker Black

Little Blue Men Invade
Tijuana

Armed Conflict Erupts Along the Southern Border. United States of North America Considering Annexation of the Free and Sovereign State of Baja California. Sade Achebe Reporting from San Diego, CA, U.S.N.A:
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Arts 🎭

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Olympics Add Cricket in 2028

Cricket is back in the Olympics. Rejoice World. The “Spirit of Cricket” will illuminate the Games. 

A.I. Eddie Aikau Rescues Surfers Stranded On Waterworld Gliese 1214b

What began as a truly universal big wave surfing competition, this years “Intergalactic Eddie” turned into a desperate rescue mission before midday on exoplanet Gliese 1214b, referred to as, the Waterworld.

You're Out. MLB Umpires Fired

No more bad calls, no more missed balls and strikes, no more umpires. Baseball and a startup Artificial Intelligence company have teamed up.

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Contact the Futurus Satoshi

Would you like to know more? Do you have a lead on a story out there in the multiVerse? Let us know. Peace and Love. info@futurussatoshi.com

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