Asteroid Miners Rescued off Lucifer

No one lands there anymore. Planetary mining firms ignore it on their charts. Prospectors do the same. Rumor says the asteroid is possessed. So, it came as little surprise the latest endeavor to vanquish Lucifer meet with trouble.

MOON BANDITS ADOPT BONNIE AND CLYDE STYLE TACTICS

He’s 20, she’s 19. They meet over hot chocolate. It’s been killer ever since. Another daring getaway from Bonnie and Clyde on the Moon.

Interplanetary Drug Kingpin Escapes

Under the cover of a calamitous prison riot, interplanetary soma kingpin, Alexander “Umbra” Lenza, walked right out of the 162173 Ryugu penal colony last night, through an oxygenated, well lit, professionally dug tunnel.

Killer Sharks on Europa

480 competitive yachtsman were eaten by sharks in Europa’s cold steely waters early this morning, putting a halt to this year’s annual Iceberg Run 750 taking place off the coast of Clipper Mission City.

Virgin Galactic Hotel Venus

Sulfuric acid rain patters on my anti-corrosive windows. I wake up to the smell of a full course 3D printed breakfast popping itself out of the wall. Branson’s latest gamble on Venus is paying off big, and providing a marvelous Venusian vacation destination.

Paris Protests Stifle the Eiffel

Paris is reeling from massive waves of humanity emerging from a glowing red inter-dimensional portal in the middle of Champ de Mars. The Eiffel Tower is currently closed and the whole world watches as more and more people spill from the portal.

Huawei Hijacks Hoboken

Mayor Artie Lange has his hands full as chaos reigns in Hoboken, New Jersey. Traffic lights are blinking deep red and beeping out the People’s Union Republic of China national anthem. Money litters the streets as ATMs and Bitcoin machines spit out the entire contents from their cash drawers. Shockingly, digitized storefront billboards are all flashing odd products and running state-sponsored news direct from Beijing.

Editor’s Selections

Heart of DarkRoast

I did learn Kurtz produces more tonnage of beans than any 4 Viceroys combined, and he drinks exclusively XX12-FRENCH~R74 SMALL BATCH coffee.

Robot on the street report:

Sydney Tripper Ripper Hacks Apart Another

Under intense pressure from the NZ Blitz, Sydneysiders have another nightmare to deal with, The Tripper Ripper, the LSD dosing serial killer targeting the city’s young women.

The Incal – Mental Trailer

The premier of the long, long, long delayed adaption of Alejandro Jodorowsky and Jean Giraud masterpiece, The Incal

De Chirico’s Metaphysical Worlds

MoMa PS-3 combines technology & fine art. Visitors will feel they are present inside de Chirico’s painted worlds.

Embedded with Benjamin

American Foreign Legion Saves Independence Hall

Luddite terror groups attacked, and sought to occupy Philadelphia’s Independence Hall amidst this mornings busy rush hour, launching homemade Molotov cocktails and using old fashion bolt action rifles to storm the historic landmark.

Most Popular

Biting Los Angeles ~ K.Ai 9 Brutality Cases

Adler froze in front of a growling metal beast, a robotic police dog, accompanying a small squad of L.A.P.D officers patrolling the Gilbert Plaza transit station.

Hoover Damn Gets Anti-Matter Makeover

The Hoover Dam’s energy creation is now done solely by smashing antimatter into matter, providing more power than ever humanly possible.

Robotic Labor Unions Strike in Milan

Suffering the worst congestion, and being most heavily reliant on automated labor, Milan was hardest hit by the Union’s strike.

MultiVerse In-Depth

Telepathic Cows Seize Chicago Steakscraper

Vive la révolution on the old vertical farm. Rebel cows have also taken over 200 farmhands and robotic laborers hostage.

Rainmakers of Death Valley

Captain Thompkins only agreed to be interviewed while flying. So, I signed some waivers, and found myself in the passenger seat of his cloud seeding Osprey. Accepting all the risks that came along with the ride, I’ve got the first pilot to report on America’s geo-engineering effort to combat the Southwest’s Mega-drought of the century.

Mars Monthly

Doctors Without Planets Vaccinate Mars

Tent flaps clattered in the wind as an orange dusk settled over Hercules avenue in downtown Copernicus yesterday evening.

Robo Prosto Murders

At approximately 24:20 hours on Caligula 16th, Mars federal police hovered to a knife attack at 857 Dr. Manhattan Avenue, in the shade of the gigantic Dow Chemical Red Planet Building.

Military Makeover

Linus Mallard III… “This shining new city, on a Martian plain, will be subsumed by the aging and greedy governments still controlling Earth.”

Futurus Theaterus

Now playing::: Understanding Alphaville by Jean-Luc Godard

…watch more…

McBain : The Movie
“A man went looking for America, and he couldn’t find it anywhere.”

Total Recall: Recollections

Sports

Sandy Koufax Bot Strikes Out 30

“Pitching is the art of instilling fear,” and with a slight facial twitch he continued on to say, “A guy that throws what he intends to throw, that’s the definition of a good pitcher. And yeah it was a good game, but I just went out there and did as programmed.”

A.I. Eddie Aikau Rescues Surfers Stranded On Waterworld

Gliese 1214b: The crisp blue waters, the towering waves with their gnarly sodium acetate trihydrate whitecaps, and the red dwarf sunset are all impressive to the human eye.