Future News

Asteroid Miners Rescued off Lucifer

No one lands there anymore. Planetary mining firms ignore it on their charts. Prospectors do the same. Rumor says the asteroid is possessed. ~ JohnnAI Walker Black

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Killer Sharks Terrorize Europa

~ Jesse Omega Owens

Satellite Home Mortgage Crisis

~ Ben Frank

Bonnie & Clyde Murder on the Moon

~ Jabbathehomer

Get Your Kicks on 'Plastic' Route 66

~ Marcie Darkling

Virgin Galactic Hotel Venus

~ Sappho


A Whiff of Fascism

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Doctors Without Planets Vaccinate Against Mars Malaria Outbreak

Médecins Sans Planètes Headquarters, Copernicus City, Mars. Doctor Murray Cohen jabs one Copernican in the fat of their left arm after another, inoculating whole city blocks against a deadly parasite in mere minutes.

Space Force Battleship Trump


Delivering a trademark telepathic speech to the gathered crowd aboard Armstrong Prime, an orbital city circling in Earth’s thermosphere, he waxed “Our destiny, beyond the Earth, is not only a matter of national identity, but a matter of national security.”
~ Sade Achebe

The Genetic Weapons of Mass Destruction Gap

futurus genetic

Democratist Party candidate, Xavier Grant, challenged the Presidentor of the United States of North America on her continental security record, stating publicly, “There is a gap, a genetic gap, a space gap, a missile gap, a limited war gap between the U.S.N.A and the Chinese Union.”
~HAL Mencken

Telepathic Cows Seize the Chicago Steakscraper

Vive la révolution on the old vertical farm. A cadre of telepathic cows have captured the Chicago Steakscraper. Achieved during a military style coup late last night…
~Marcie Darkling

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BenjAImin  FranklAIn embedded alongside the AFL’s 7th Para; American Legionnaires defend the old city hall against Luddite terrorists.

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Biting Los Angelenos ~ The K.Ai 9 Brutality Cases

Trying not to miss the party of the century, Adler came to the Staples Center to revel in Lebron James Jr Jr’s 7th N.B.A Championship, a Lakers sweep of the San Francisco Warriors. Searching for a good time after the Hyperloop-series victory. Adler never found it. ~ JohnnAI Walker Black

Little Blue Men Invade

Armed Conflict Erupts Along the Southern Border. United States of North America Considering Annexation of the Free and Sovereign State of Baja California. Sade Achebe Reporting from San Diego, CA, U.S.N.A:
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Contact the Futurus Satoshi

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