Politics

Politics

Digizens to Citizens: Internet FlashArmy Captures CERN

Armed with Tazeweapons digital citizens of the internet nation Perubique used non-lethal methods to capture CERN and Meyrin. The birthplace of the world wide web has been liberated by the //www. itself!!! EU, Swiss, and French Army Units have the municipality surrounded…

Sade Achebe

Paris Protests Stifle the Eiffel

Paris is reeling from massive waves of humanity emerging from a glowing red inter-dimensional portal in the middle of Champ de Mars. Materializing from a crimson ether, people of all varieties, from many times, and many places are washing up at the foot of the Eiffel Tower.

D. Ben Frank

Little Blue Men Cross Tijuana

No official response has been issued by the Presidentor of the United States of North America, however, he did comment before boarding Air Force Rocket One back to the White House in Lebanon, Kansas.

Sade Achebe

Space Concerns

Kessler Syndrome Smothers Earth

JOHNNAI WALKER BLACK

The sky is falling. Unprecedented damage has taken place on a planetary scale. A pinball space debris disaster began late last night, as an unidentified spacecraft launched several mass effect missiles to obliterate and cripple United States of North American internet, communication, and defensive satellite constellations.

Asteroid Miners Rescued Off Lucifer

No one lands there anymore. Planetary mining firms ignore it on their charts. Prospectors do the same. Rumor says the asteroid is possessed.

Drug Kingpin Escapes Ryugu Asteroid Prison

Under the cover of a calamitous prison riot, interplanetary Soma kingpin, Alexander “Umbra” Lanza, walked right out of the 162173 Ryugu penal colony last night, through an oxygenated, well lit, professionally dug tunnel.

Otis Brand Space Elevators: Lugging Humanity to the Stars

Ascend to the stars in comfort, and without spilling your coffee.

OUTER REACHES Today

MILKYWAY

Killer Sharks Attack on Europa Moon

A calamity in Europa’s cold steely waters early this morning put a halt to this year’s annual Iceberg Run 750 taking place off the coast of Clipper Mission City. 

JESSE OMEGA OWENS

MILKYWAY

Ice Cube Whales of Enceladus

Ice tankers lift one cubic mile blocks of frozen fresh water into the black of space above Enceladus, Saturn’s moon, and the most abundant source of H2O in the near solar system. The planet’s rings shine as massive chains and hooks hold the gigantic ice cube while it dangles from the belly of the tanker ships.

HAL MENCKEN

Earthlings

Genetic Weapons of Mass Destruction Gap

This week, Democratist Party candidate, current Senator, and former Space Force Colonel, Xavier Grant, challenged the Presidentor of the United States of North America on her continental security record, stating publicly, “There is a gap, a genetic gap, a space gap, a missile gap, a limited war gap between the U.S.N.A and the Chinese Union.”

HAL MENCKEN

WARTIME

The 13th Victim: Sydney Tripper Rips Strikes During NZ Blitz

People are living a waking nightmare in Sydney. In the face of heavy blitz bombing from New Zealand’s Royal Air Forces, the city confronts a new horror, the Tripper Ripper, a drug dosing serial killer terrorizing Bondi Beach and Botany Bay.

JOHNNAI WALKER BLACK

REAL LIVE NEWS

"All politics is inter-dimensional"