Politics

Kevin Hart Elected President

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In another sharp turn from traditional politicians, Kevin Hart has won the 2028 Presidential election.

The comedian, an Independent, beat both the Republican and Democratic candidates in a landslide.

His campaign slogan, “Make America Laugh Again”, resonated with voters in every State. 

After another two terms of Presidential inaction that saw the U.S. Happiness Index fall to its lowest level since the depression era, and Herbert Hoover, it was Hart who pledged to change that.

Holding hundreds of “Pursuit of Happiness” campaign events, Hart drew overflow crowds, charming them with a combination of humor and promises of real change. The strategy was perfectly timed and deftly executed. Hart took 40 States in the one the largest margins in election history.

Kevin Darnell Hart will be America’s 47th President. His victory speech from Philadelphia was profanity laced and hysterical. Every media network carried the speech on a seven second delay, except YouTube and Comedy Central.

Fox News Channel dumped out after 15 minutes, replacing the feed with steady shot of Mount Rushmore, while Sean Hannitty could be heard in the background demanding a recount.

To say the result of the vote stunned political insiders and analysts is an understatement.

“The people need leadership from a real comedian, not just someone whose a joke.” said Hart. The crowd roared, interrupting with chants of “We’ve got Hart”.

An after party lasted into the next day. Of note in attendance were former President Barack Obama, many of Hart’s comedic inspirations, including Jerry Seinfeld, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, and longtime friend Judd Apatow.

Apatow gave Hart his first big TV break, saying “Look at what I started, don’t blame me, I voted for the other guy.”

Kevin Darnell Hart was born on July 6th, 1979 in Philadelphia, where he was raised in a single-parent household by his since passed mother, Nancy Hart. He talks of his mother in stand-up routines as a loving yet stern parent. He developed his humor to cope with a troubled family life. His father, Henry Witherspoon, was in and out of jail for much of Hart’s childhood.

After graduating High School and briefly attending Community College, Hart took a job as a shoe salesman before embarking on a comedy career. Hart used material of his life story during the Presidential campaign endearing himself to voters as an every-person, and vowing to use his life experience as a guide for Presidential leadership during his term in office.

As for whether he’ll seek a second term, Hart said, “If they like my material then why not”.

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