Living On Network Life Station
Orbiting in a distant galaxy, Reality TV celebrities have achieved their life mission, stardom. They now have millions of star neighbors, living in the first ever alternate Earth community named Network Life Station, far from Planet Earth and deep in Outer Space.
The lifestyle is blissful for the narcissistic residents, according to a portion of the only one permitted Earth transmission per year. All other communication from the Station is only beamed away from Earth.
New launches from Network Center are fully booked for the next nine liftoffs. Estimates are that up to 29 percent of Reality TV contestants joined the voluntary community, and the population is booming. The current census lists American Idol with 3,256 inhabitants, 2,992 from Survivor, Amazing Race has 1,789, Big Brother with 1,747, America’s Got Talent have 1,509. The Bachelorette has 1,492, and bringing up the rear is only one Kardashian.
The Mayor of Network Life is Richard Hatch, first winner of Survivor, still living happily nude.His last transmission to Earth this year was a positive yet rambling message.“I adore Network Life, and am one proud Mayor. Everything needed to live the good life is here. We all love and hate each other. Join us.”
The Station, Network Center, and life maintenance are a collaborative effort of Blue Origin, SpaceX, and Virgin Galactic. “You’ve got three people who are really putting a lot of time and energy into it,” Sir Richard Branson said. The companies established and funded Network Life so that the world might one day have no more Reality TV shows. Musk, Bezos, and Branson started planning Network after seeing a survey by Today.com which found that Americans who watch reality television regularly are more neurotic, and have lower self-esteem.
The three men had another more serious reason to build Network Station.
Their hope is that any alien beings monitoring Network Life Station will be so nauseated, they will never invade Earth knowing the planet where the egoists living on Network Life Station originated. This year, 138 Intergalactic scans of Station have been recorded by Network Center from unknown sources, the total since inception is 6,666. An early adviser to Network Life was Stephen Hawking, further inspiring the Network team. Hawking’s theory of alien avoidance was key to advancing the project.
Hawking said, “Meeting an advanced civilization could be like Native Americans encountering Columbus. That didn’t turn out so well.”
Elon Musk, Jeffrey Bezos, and Sir Richard Branson jointly accepted the Nobel Peace Prize.