EU

Paris Protests Stifle the Eiffel

🥐

Paris is reeling from massive waves of humanity emerging from a glowing red inter-dimensional portal in the middle of Champ de Mars. Materializing from a crimson ether, people of all varieties, from many times, and many places are washing up at the foot of the Eiffel Tower.

Protests, demonstrations, and miniature picket lines erupted throughout the city in response to the overwhelming influx of these strange tourists. The alternate reality sightseers have arrived to photograph, mentally capture, or 3-D print a moment shared with the world’s most recognizable landmark.

Visitors interviewed by government officials have revealed countless secrets. Some of the more talkative travelers described the future of mankind in various universes.

What can account for this sudden spike in inter-dimensional interest? A leak from a government source implies this Eiffel Tower, is the last, and only in entire multiverse.

previous arrow
next arrow
Shadow
Slider

A young alt-Parisian, wearing a beret, but smoking a cigar. Here from a dimension missing its Eiffel, was overheard talking to a local resident, “C’est la vie. Take care of this one will you. Can I bum a lighter? The Customs officer took mine coming out of the portal.”

Millions have manifested. Shanty towns spawned all along the Seine. Every park, green space, and empty plot in the city is being used to house the dimension trotters.

The ‘City of Light’ has never been brighter. An unfathomable number of flash photos are taken nightly. Some locals welcome the multiverse tourism, as it has been a boon for the city’s economy. Others are openly hostile.

Though stressing and nearly breaking city services, no incidents have occurred. So far, local police and fire departments have been gentle with the large crowds.

French Army and Navy units secured traveler camps citywide. Upwards of 100,000 backpackers live in some of the larger enclaves. Word has it some are being detained, and questioned by French Secret Services.

University scientists deployed equipment to monitor the ominous gateway. To date, no progress in controlling the giant gash in our universe has been made.

Opposition politicians are harnessing a vast distaste for the situation. They cite negative telepathic opinion polls, and dreary conditions on the ground. The crowds are seen by many as a burden, a crime problem, and an otherwise existential threat.

Some Parisians are so upset they’ve resorted to guerrilla tactics. Resistance groups and militias grow more brazen by the day. Their latest strategy is the most daring yet.

Early yesterday morning, sometime before 4 am, a small cadre of radicals scaled the Eiffel Tower, and covered the entire structure, every girder and rivet, in human feces.

previous arrow
next arrow
Shadow
Slider

Though triumphant at the closure of the site, the group was apprehended on scene as they rappelled down. Some tourists have refused to photograph the icon in such a state. Clean up efforts are underway.

An A.I. consciousness of long deceased NYC photojournalist, Arthur Weegee, immediately transferred himself to a local Parisian host. He began documenting the whole moment. Stating in a telepathic interview, “I’ll photograph that piece of shit.”

A trial for the suspects is expected to be a political sideshow. Mayor of Paris, Napoleon Le Pen, vowed to crack down on illegal tourism. Stating at a press conference, “The Tower is for the French of this dimension.”

Travelers continue to arrive. No official word on when people will stop pouring out of the red mist, or when the Eiffel Tower will reopen.

Paris is running low on baguettes, and patience. But, life throughout the multiverse can’t be blamed for wanting to glimpse the ‘Iron Lady’ in person.

By BenFrank

Le Tour Eiffel

A BROWN MAP OF PARIS

1 comment on “Paris Protests Stifle the Eiffel

  1. Anonymous

    what a shitty article

What do you want? No need to leave email or other info. Go ahead. Shoot!

%d bloggers like this: